dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Randomize
