I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Randomize
