I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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