There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
