Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(801): View more from Utah

The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance

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(310): View more from California

I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.

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(516): View more from New York

I understand why you refuse to be sober now

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(720): View more from Colorado

Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.

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(757): View more from Virginia

Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.

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(812): View more from Indiana

They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal

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(281): View more from Texas

Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.

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(978): View more from Massachusetts

Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales

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(813): View more from Florida

Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.

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