I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
