How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
