cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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