I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
