please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
