Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
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