So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
We left an ass print on the piano.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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