You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
