Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
