she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Randomize
