i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
