You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
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