Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
