smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
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