first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Randomize
