I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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