i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
