it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
The beer is more important than you right now.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
