Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
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