I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Randomize
