maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize