god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Randomize
