they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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