I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
