you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Randomize
