The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
