you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
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