I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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