I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
