i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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