you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
