What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
My orgasm happened in two different decades
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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