I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
