My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Randomize
