U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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