Just mADE A PArabola og urine
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
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