i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Randomize