I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
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