Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
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