if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
