oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
