I heard we made out
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Randomize
