I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
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