It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
