even my farts smell like vagina
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Randomize
