he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
