I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Randomize
