girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
