Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Randomize
