thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
