Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize