fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
