If i could tip my vagina, i would.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Randomize
