Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
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