I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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