I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
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