So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Blood and glitter go together right?
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
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