STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I just gift wrapped bread.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Randomize
