So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Randomize
