good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
